Most Recent TheBabyDictionary.com Definitions:
White
1. (n) Chapstick colored crayons
Hair
1. (n) The mashed potato forest located atop one’s head 2. (n) An unfair fight handle 3. (n) Irritating and itchy drapes across the eyes 4. (n) The most secure place to store your gum until morning 5. (n) Mop top in need of a professional cut, from time to time at tremendous expense to both the wallet and the head.
Cobbler
1. (n) A stone mason made out of crumbly-crusted pie, and should I ever meet him he’ll probably be my new best friend. I love pie.
Don’t
1. (n) An annoying word used by authority types just when I am caught doing or am about to do something really fun
Baboon
1. (n) Rainbow-keistered, banana-eating primates.
Mine
1. (adj) Not yours 2. (adj) Word used to define ownership of everything in the whole wide world, especially any and everything I want ANT: SHARING
Income
1. (n) Measure of respect parents are expected to share with a wide variety of salespeople, charities, and bill collectors
SEE ALSO: PARENTS
Home
1. (n) Place where the heart is, as noted by the presence of all my toys 2. (n) A dirty plate found at baseball parks
Burping
1. (n) The time when you’re slung over a shoulder like a sack of gassy potatoes and knocked in the ribs until you say “delicious” in Japanese
Mean
(v) The unkind action of my brothers when I don’t get my way. 2. How the parents act when they’re saying I can’t have my way, or that I need to do chores instead of playing
SEE ALSO: CHORES
Independence Day
1. (pn) Holiday celebrating servitude to those who freely barbecue and terrify children with fireworks 2. (n) Date when it’s acceptable for children to stay up extremely late, facilitated by high levels of sugary, caffeine loaded pop variety
Pair
1. (n) Two pieces of oblong fruit akin to apples only pudgy around the waist and paler of the skin
Zip
1. (v) Something people say I must do with my zipperfly, even though I’ve only seen flies of the house, fruit and horse variety
Busted
1. (v) Being caught partaking of any known yet forbidden action, such as climbing out a window, stealing candy, or applying salt to your sibling 2. (adj) Word used to describe something old and in need of replacement, like a TV or split shoe
SEE ALSO: TV
Slow Down
1. (n) Parental proclamation meaning, “Stop having fun.”
Closet
1. (n) Smaller room adjacent to regular rooms containing a wealth of forgotten and/or forbidden items 2. (n) A spectacular place to hide, though getting back out can be very difficult at times 3. (n) One of two places where monsters live
Biography
1. (n) Random blather designed to sum up one whose body of work could fill one or two books… kind of like what we’re hoping to do, eventually, but in our case it’s to pay for college.
Dodge
1. (v) To bob and weave while driving a third-rate American automobile
Birthday
1. (n) An annual event occurring seemingly at random when friends and family gather to don silly hats, sing a silly song, open boxes and extinguish cake affixed candles with spattering spit. Origin is from the Latin word meaning “To eat cake and pizza.”
Bureau
1. (n) A department or piece of furniture in charge of wardrobe and clothing storage
SEE ALSO: CLOSET
Siblings
1. (n) Symptomology of Room Shrinking Syndrome
Why
1. (n) Any of an estimated hundred-thousand perfectly reasonable questions whose answer has no meaning and need not be waited for
Blanket
1. (n) A non-automatic, personal heater used for warmth and comfort. Integral to sleep regardless of hour or ambient temperature.
SEE ALSO: Pillow
Cookie
1. (n) A crispy pancake loaded with chocolate chips and sugar, i.e., “Give me cookies!” 2. (pn) The first name of Mr. Monster who lives on Sesame Street
Bat
1. (n) Freaky, creepy, shrieking featherless bird 2. (n) Anything used to smack a ball including sticks, bowling pins, broomsticks and other random toys
Want
1. (n) A question to which the answer is almost always “yes” or “no” with the rare exception of trick questions and those pertaining to vegetables
SEE ALSO: VEGETABLES
Bubble
1. (n) Airborne balls of soapy, chaseable bad breath which delight as a thing you can see but never actually capture
Barter
1. (v) A negotiation which, when properly executed, a kid is able to finagle extra awake time, playtime, candy or cartoons, works especially well on parents who have already said “No” and especially when the other parent hasn’t and is unaware of the single outstanding “no”
Sugar
1. (pn) A very potent stimulant drug not regulated by the FDA, IRS, CPA or NBA
SEE ALSO: SUGAR CEREAL