1. (n) The process by which an aging woman decides to trade in 50-80% of the median salary in exchange for looking like a strange, creepy monster, though with admittedly amazing breasts. Despite the cost of botox, many women still choose to look like puffered up fish-faces.
1. (n) An old fangled Stairmaster located conveniently at every building in excess of one story in height 2. (v) Means of simultaneously getting in shape and in trouble, since most kids aren’t allowed on them without supervision, even though we just love the heck out of them
1. (v) Expression of disagreement expressed by a loud footfall and vocal harrumph, the sort of thing that gets us in trouble 2. (n) Expensive, albeit small, sticker used to thank the mail for sending letters
1. (n) A makeshift system of ladder-like rungs found throughout most homes, workplaces and retail stores. Ideal for climbing though oftentimes hundreds of obstacles must first be thrown haphazardly to the floor
1. (v) The motion one’s head makes when falling asleep while sitting up. Characterized by nodding, droopy eyes and a comical bobbing of the head, it is perfect for falling asleep in the car or entertaining party guests
1. (n) The French fry half of the Fish N’ equation 2. (n)Salty tokens of a fried, flavored delight, lavished on grouchy children to please though not necessarily feed them 3. (n) Food snacks you aren’t supposed to steal just before dinner even though you do
1. (n) Santa’s hangover from his night of giving 2. (n) An ill-shaped sock unwearable due to, well, it’s ill shape, material and the fact that it’s either hung up too high or filled with fruit, candy, batteries, or coal.
1. (pn) Time of year when leaves change color 2. (n)The times when I don’t listen to “slow down” demands, and then trip and skin my pristine knees and cry 3. (v) What toys do when you drop them from the stairs
1. (n) Excuse for evil grown-ups to jab and modestly sicken kids both kind and unruly 2. (n) One of kids only legal means of earning free la-la pops, stickers and toys labeled with meaningless pharmaceutical slogans
1. (n) A journey through the canals of tightening doom ultimately thrusting you forth into a never-ending journey towards impending doom 2. (n) Event signifying when your 1st birthday will fall, specifically 365 days later, except on a leap year 3. (n) Determinant as to what your astrological sign is and therefore the fate of your entire existence 4. (n) The event declaring that your mom isn’t any longer pregnant 5. (n) A new sibling event meaning you are now less unique by no less than 50%, a truly sad day for you, your toys, and future sharing possibilities
1. (pn) Person who totally raves about me even though they’ve never even met me 2. (n) Windy device used on hot days to circulate hot air and grind up my curious fingertips and ill-advisedly inserted toys