D

1. (n) The arch nemesis of the raisin 2. (v) Activity parents swear off forever once they have kids 3. (n) Uninterpretable marking on a calendar

SEE ALSO: SWEAR

1. (n) Series of imprints across one’s face after falling asleep on toys or other peculiar textures 2. Mood experienced when one is put in the corner

1. (n) Corner of the supermarket with long lines, premium pricing, and free samples

1. (n) Every boy’s desire to play major league baseball 2. (v) What toddlers do when they say “zzz” and make sucky motions with the mouth 3. (n) What’s interrupted in parents when kiddos wake up screaming, crying and/or fighting, whether with one another or household pets

SEE ALSO: ZZZ

1. (adj) Anything that can be thrown away or, more plainly, everything. This includes diapers, wrappers, hair-filled stickers or bandages, broken toys and automobiles, food, napkins, diamonds and concrete. Really everything, especially before the onset of object permanence, though my father says I cannot dispose of my baby brother.

SEE ALSO: BROTHER

1. (n) A cheeky component of highest cuteness displayed to earn additional favor, affection, and pudding

1. (adj) High fidelity fingers

1. (adj) Descriptive term for news, chores, and bedtime stories occurring roughly one to two times per week

1. (n) An appliance used to demoisten and fluff up clothes, blankets and terrified, hissing cats 2. (n) Large, boxy device used to woo newborns to sleep for the low, low cost of 2.6 kilowatt hours, a small price to pay for exhausted parents

SEE ALSO: SLEEP

1. (n) An annoying word used by authority types just when I am caught doing or am about to do something really fun

1. (v) To bob and weave while driving a third-rate American automobile

1. (v) What us kids pretend to be when we hear commands we fundamentally disagree with 2. (n) A peaceful action of passive-aggressive protest

1. (n) Man’s best friend 2. (n) Any 4-legged animal under 40 pounds 3. (n) A yummy wiener served hot, cold or tepid with or without cheese and chili

1. (n) A preschool with no grasp of marketing 2. (n) A place for the free exchange of knowledge, ideas, and communicable diseases, specifically the common cold, flu, and pink eye

SEE ALSO: SCHOOL

1. (n) The sun when it rises super early in the morning, probably around pre-dawn, I think 2. (n) This person I met once who was very nice and gave me a sticker

SEE ALSO: STICKERS

1. (n) Abbreviated terminology meaning “May I please be excused from the table, please?”

1. (n) A brand of store typically crammed to the gills with kitsch and crapola, all at rock-bottom prices 2. (n) A monetary instrument offered in trade for performance of chores, though never given at rates previously expected or agreed upon

SEE ALSO: KITSCH

1. (n) Fecal disaster insurance policy 2. (n) Garbage demanding immediate disposal 3. (n) Poo bundle 4. (n) Effective armor used in defense of peer assault in the form of butt or nut kicking, as well as spankings

SEE ALSO: GARBAGE

1. (n) Labor intensive lexicon nobody will ever, ever, ever read

SEE ALSO: BOOK

1. (v) The act of making huge, broad rips or tears across paper with pens, crayons, or colored pencils 2. (v) Neither winning nor losing at a game of cards, though still feeling like you won

SEE ALSO: ART

1. (n) An asthmatic villain in the “Star Wars” series of films, thus named, presumably, for his dark attire

SEE ALSO: STAR WARS

1. (n) Any person with a white lab coat and stethoscope 2. (n) A needle jabbing meanie 3. (n) Handyman who fixes human bugs 4. (n) Sticker philanthropist

1. (n) Small, flat disc used to placate children for at least an hour at a time, both in cars and homes 2. (n) Slender, scratchable videotapes loaded with bonus features I’ll never understand how to access

1. (n) Slidey cupboard full of things to take out, play with, sit on or stand all over 2. (n) Kid-sized ladder providing better reach to countertop levels where the cookies and cakes should be out of reach 3. (n) A perfect-fit sleepy spot

1. (n) A yellow bath time quacker 2. (v) An awkward move used to avoid being thumped or otherwise bumped on the noggin 3. (n) A lipless splashing waterfowl most often found in filthy puddles of stagnation 4. (n) Piping that splashes liquid from here to there throughout the body

1. (n) A world stankerous stench in urgent need of immediate attention, presumably by a qualified Haz-Mat team 2. (n) Something someone simply must do; i.e., “Messing my diaper is my sworn doodie.”

1. (n) A word that dad insists is his name when I accidentally call him “mama.” 2. (n) A name to call your dad when you really, really want his attention, something from up high or for any other must-have reason

1. (n) A word used to call out to one’s daddy when in front of school friends, typically used to avoid embarrassment

SEE ALSO: SCHOOL

1. (n) The time in which one trips over bears, Legos, cars and other foot-demolishing toy.

SEE ALSO: TIME, CAR

1. (n) Nectar of the dogs