Definitions of ‘F’ Words

1. (pn) Time of year when leaves change color 2. (n)The times when I don’t listen to “slow down” demands, and then trip and skin my pristine knees and cry 3. (v) What toys do when you drop them from the stairs

1. (adj) Word used to describe a tummy with room only for dessert 2. (adj) A diaper weighing in excess of 2-pounds

SEE ALSO: DIAPER

1. (pn) Person who totally raves about me even though they’ve never even met me 2. (n) Windy device used on hot days to circulate hot air and grind up my curious fingertips and ill-advisedly inserted toys

SEE ALSO: FINGER

1. (n) Label applied to a return journey from a place called “To” 2. (v) The act of carrying curly hair upon one’s head

1. (n) The tastiest part of any animal 2. (n) Mythical enemy that grown-ups combat 3. (adj) The state of having thick, sturdy, enviable thighs

1. (n) An emotion experienced when one hears “no” more than five times in succession 2. (n) An emotion experienced when one has to say “no” more than five times in succession

1. (adj) That music played, commonly upon request by an unnamed white boy

(adj) Red in the face 2. (n) Balanced ledger 3. (v) Levered action used to banish turds in the bathroom

1. (n) A bright blue thousandth of a second designed to burn a dim blue rectangle into kids’ eyes for many minutes to come 2. (n) An accidental, regrettable catch of the accidentally nude parents coming out of the shower

1. (n) A thin coating of scum atop almost every commercially produced motion picture

1. (n) A three part address used to call out to children who’re in big, big trouble, usually by yelling it in full across the house or supermarket

1. (adj) Period of time in excess of about five minutes

1. (v) To create under tremendous pressure, specifically something fraudulent

1. (n) A swap meet where anyone can drop half-eaten foods, garbage or valuables and find a wealth of half-eaten foods, garbage invaluables and slightly used chewing gum 2. (n) Household noun noted for bonking heads, specifically when youngsters trip and earn a solid “floor-bonking”

SEE ALSO: GUM

1. (adj) Earliest style of painting 2. (n) Digital, in-your-face device 3. (n) Wiggly things at hand, both technically 4. (n) Implement used by outlaws to pick at their own noses

1. (n) Type of child or bear without a bedroom fence or gate who is free to wake, wander, and invade elders’ bedrooms and beds at will, preferably with chicken or turkey in hand

1. (n) The fleeting moments between an illicit action and getting totally busted for it

1. (n) The only food worth eating at any restaurant 2. (n) The greasy, fragrant salted food in a Happy Meal capable of drawing attention away from the promotional toy 3. (n) A booger plug

1. (n) A degrading and difficult method of earning stickers, gold stars and a headache while promptly forgetting everything taught by them

SEE ALSO: STAR

1. (v) The having of two nickels whilst keeping the ability to rub them together

1. (n) Class of activities that does not include tooth or hair brushing, shoe tying, homework completing or the performance of chores

SEE ALSO: CHORES

1. (n) Parentally endorsed strangers who feel entitled to hugs, kisses and cheek-pinching

1. (n) Brand of high-volume truck, both in size and decibel 2. (n) A product line of red plastic play hats 3. (v) The pretty destruction of birthday candles 4. (n) Scorching twinkle lights found behind glass and in pits 5. (v) Trumps a pack of jokers 6. (n) Root cause of fireworks 7. (n) Sauce used to destroy tacos

1. (n) A fact small enough one might carry it about in their head for later espousal, regardless of basis in truth

1. (n) Gravity-defying form of travel accompanied by free juice, chicken or beef, inaudible movies, severe discomfort, emotional trauma, insomnia, and an unending eternity of absolute boredom 2. (n) Place where bags cost $50 per piece to check

1. (v) A bowel movement which will earn the doer no candy nor reward, even when done on the potty 2. (n) Unfragrant “air poo.” 3. (n) Pure comedy gold regardless of setting

1. (n) An incense one can burn to cover ambient aromas with the fragrance of Frank

SEE ALSO: INCENSE

1. (n) Toy, antique collectable or other item that comes apart real nice but doesn’t go back together very well

SEE ALSO: COLLECTABLES

1. (n) The business end of a pixie, often dusted with glitter for added allure

1. (n) A children’s story in the public domain noted by it’s ineffective components of situational tragedy and superstition, two things long perfected by some religions 2. (n) A low means of enforcing job security among even the most well-intentioned of parents