Definitions of ‘G’ Words

1. (n) Yucky, expended stuff 2. (n) Bags of stuff that have to be taken out pretty much constantly 3. (adj) Vegetables, if you can sneak them to the refuse bin when nobody is looking

SEE ALSO: VEGETABLES

1. (n) Something mysterious that goes into cars at tremendous price, but comes out of humans for free. Noxious and deadly either way.

1. (n) Much like ghosts, no such thing exists. Indeed, the author on the cover is always the true author of fact, even (if not especially) on this project.

1. (n) A place which, despite it’s license plate song and catchy tune, is simply never on much of anyone’s mind, statistically.

1. (n) Fragile in-action figure found lying in pristine yards. Their fragility is only rivaled by the fun one has in the proving of how breakable they truly are 2. (n) Mystical being that knows all the secrets of travel-related facts

1. (v) First, foremost, highest and best use of one’s hand 2. (v) Means of manually commanding ownership of toys 3. (v) Something done to food, breakables and siblings the very second parents turn their heads

1. (n) Cast rubber boots scientifically engineered for puddle stomping and subsequent foot rot

1. (n) Color of jewelry forbidden from playing with allegedly due to fear of it being lost or destroyed but, whatever 2. (n) That which prospectors and pirates dedicate their lives to finding

SEE ALSO: PIRATE

1. (n) An economy car beaten for sport by men with clubs in funny pants and white shoes; due to it’s pseudo-sport status it is tylically played by dads on Sundays in an effort to get away from their families and call themselves men

1. (n) String instrument used by single men to transform bachelorettes into mommies 2. (n) Percussion instrument children play by discordally pounding a cacophony on strings, often used precociously to preclude mommies from bringing more children home from the hospital

1. (n) A very uninteresting, orange fish which tastes delightfully of cheddar once dehydrated into cracker or jerky form

1. (n) Organic form of Astroturf found outside 2. (n) The best gaming surface due to minimized scrapes and concussions during times of greatest roughhousing 3. (n) Synthetic item used by Easter bunnies to hide underlying candy

1. (v) A kind, but forceful request

SEE ALSO: STUCK

1. (n) The oldest people alive 2. (n) Living fossils 3. (n) Human candy dispensers

1. (adj) Anyone over the age of 14 or so

SEE ALSO: ELDERLY

1. (n) A Primal language, ancient and innate, spoken initially by all persons fluently and then quickly and completely forgotten around the age of 3

1. (n) Humans, but pretty 2. (n) Long haired, sweet smelling creatures of the fairer half of humanity. Also, they can vote, but not until they’re eighteen 3. (n) Headlights capable of stunning elk like me dead in my tracks

1. (v) To hand a thing, any thing to a person assuming you don’t want to keep it for yourself

1. (n) An imaginary danger imposed by parents to force kids to wash hands, brush teeth, and cover coughs

1. (n) A dribble version of a tippy cup. Also extremely fragile and a source of much potential discipline 2. (n) An invisible force field rimmed by wood, steel or vinyl securing against weather, errant animals and unwanted solicitors

SEE ALSO: WINDOWS

1. (n) An impossible 24-inch barrier used to restrict and contain a play area and lend peace to parents (and pet owners) in adjoining rooms 2. (n) Something erected in front of a neighbor’s house to enforce the signage of “stay off the grass.”

SEE ALSO: NEIGHBOR

1. (n) A tacky candy that is against the rules to swallow 2. (n) A sticky substance used to identify large patches of hair that need to be permanently cut out 3. (n) The hard, uneven bumps on the underside of a desk, chair, or table

1. (v) The having of cake and eating of it too