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1. (n) A lottery-type tithe paid by the educated class in an act of betting against themselves, their health, and their fortune. The only way to win, oddly, is by losing the bet.

1. (v) Artificial condition created when one rejects sleep due to an understanding of the fun they will surely miss if they concede to the zzzes

SEE ALSO: ZZZES

1. (n) The first time when one can be unemployed without it being socially a bad thing, social, with the only other times being stay-at-home-parenthood and grandparent-retirement 2. (n) The only time one can expect to be waited on without leaving a tip (except in the case of the circumcised infant)

1. (n) A person in the midst of a floor tantrum who cannot be moved 2. (adj) A toy too heavy to steal 3. (n) A mobile with batteries drained to nothing 4. (n) Sworn enemy of the unstoppable force

SEE ALSO: BATTERY

1. (n) Measure of respect parents are expected to share with a wide variety of salespeople, charities, and bill collectors

SEE ALSO: PARENTS

1. (n) Holiday celebrating servitude to those who freely barbecue and terrify children with fireworks 2. (n) Date when it’s acceptable for children to stay up extremely late, facilitated by high levels of sugary, caffeine loaded pop variety

1. (n) A tough place to be stuck, located opposite “A Hard Place”

1. (n) Proper pronoun used by parents to indicate whom it is that loves you. Equivalent and acceptable kid pronoun is “me”

1. (n) Chilly cubes you can add to your beverage or cooler, but they are usually stolen and replaced with bland water by unknown operators. Beware these ice bandits and just accept that your ice will very soon be stolen and replaced with dampness

1. (n) The state of being of siblings, parents or classmates when they don’t want to play the same games as us; i.e., that brother of mine is sure irritating the heck out of me, why can’t he just play nice like I claim to have been trying to do?

SEE ALSO: SIBLINGS

1. (n) Covetable heritage, such as my own 2. (adv) Bland, tasteless style of cooking 3. (n) Augmentation to coffee making it even less palatable and incapacitate my chauffeur

SEE ALSO: COFFEE

1. (n) A stank squelching, smoldering pile of ash nearly capable of covering kiddy stench SYN: FRANKINCENSE