1. (n) An old fangled Stairmaster located conveniently at every building in excess of one story in height 2. (v) Means of simultaneously getting in shape and in trouble, since most kids aren’t allowed on them without supervision, even though we just love the heck out of them
1. (v) Expression of disagreement expressed by a loud footfall and vocal harrumph, the sort of thing that gets us in trouble 2. (n) Expensive, albeit small, sticker used to thank the mail for sending letters
1. (n) A makeshift system of ladder-like rungs found throughout most homes, workplaces and retail stores. Ideal for climbing though oftentimes hundreds of obstacles must first be thrown haphazardly to the floor
1. (n) Santa’s hangover from his night of giving 2. (n) An ill-shaped sock unwearable due to, well, it’s ill shape, material and the fact that it’s either hung up too high or filled with fruit, candy, batteries, or coal.
1. (n) Excuse for evil grown-ups to jab and modestly sicken kids both kind and unruly 2. (n) One of kids only legal means of earning free la-la pops, stickers and toys labeled with meaningless pharmaceutical slogans
1. (n) Popular brand of blanket 2. (n) Individual who guards you and your stuff from everyone except for those most nefarious sibling types 3. (n) The traveling procedure where strangers touch your body in search of contraband, whatever that is
1. (n) A belted, mobile steel cage in which children are imprisoned in order to limit the grabbery of toys, candy, sugar cereals and automatically dispensed coupons 2. (n) A mobile cage of steel used to curb my procurement of knee high goodies
1. (n) Place where diapers have been known to swell up to sizes greater than a weather balloon 2. A fun, dangerous place, noted by its fun and the sheer terror it induces in some children, while also the conspicuous absence of fear in others
1. (n) Me, only me and I make you happy when skies are gray even though I’ll never know, dear, how much you love me; also, you’ll ask “please” to not take me away, which makes perfect sense, since us kids are pretty awesome.