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1. (n) A steady, regular, consistent place where horses live

1. (n) An old fangled Stairmaster located conveniently at every building in excess of one story in height 2. (v) Means of simultaneously getting in shape and in trouble, since most kids aren’t allowed on them without supervision, even though we just love the heck out of them

1. (v) Expression of disagreement expressed by a loud footfall and vocal harrumph, the sort of thing that gets us in trouble 2. (n) Expensive, albeit small, sticker used to thank the mail for sending letters

1. (n) A makeshift system of ladder-like rungs found throughout most homes, workplaces and retail stores. Ideal for climbing though oftentimes hundreds of obstacles must first be thrown haphazardly to the floor

1. (n) Parent or close friend qualified to guide me to the top of a gigantic hill or tremendous mountain 2. (n) A wooly manherd, or shepguide.

1. (adj) Descriptive word for any of the world’s very most pretty and interesting things

1. (n) A vehicle commonly used as down payment towards children, and later traded in for them

1. (n) A saw, a female saw 2. (v) What one does with jeeper, creeper, or kooky peepers. 3. (n) Precursor to “hold” and post-cursor to “have”, as in “I see it, I just gotta hold and have it.

1. (n) Thin tube used to blow bubbles in milk. Can also be used as a handle to knock over beverages at restaurants 2. (n) Bit of sneezy hay, often found in nature or on a hayride

1. (adj) Similiar to stinky but with an other-earthly vengeful waft of horrific odor

1. (n) Santa’s hangover from his night of giving 2. (n) An ill-shaped sock unwearable due to, well, it’s ill shape, material and the fact that it’s either hung up too high or filled with fruit, candy, batteries, or coal.

SEE ALSO: SANTA CLAUS

1. (n) Natural solvent used to clean protesting children’s faces in restaurants and other public places

1. (sl) People who’re pre-judged for their playing and vandalizing of stereo equipment 2. (n) Generic for Bose, Sony or Crosley

1. (n) Excuse for evil grown-ups to jab and modestly sicken kids both kind and unruly 2. (n) One of kids only legal means of earning free la-la pops, stickers and toys labeled with meaningless pharmaceutical slogans

SEE ALSO: DOCTOR

1. (n) A sweaty food 2. (n) A food seasoned by a faulty top allowing for a huge dump of unintended oregano, garlic or other seasoning

1. (nl) Harsh word used by critics and crybabies meaning, to take what’s mine, darn it 2. (v) Overly aggressive borrowing

1. (n) Roommate noted for thievery of toys, attention, disposable income and the inability to evict 2. (n) Person related to you whom veritably steals your toys and/or thunder

1. (n) Popular brand of blanket 2. (n) Individual who guards you and your stuff from everyone except for those most nefarious sibling types 3. (n) The traveling procedure where strangers touch your body in search of contraband, whatever that is

1. (n) A belted, mobile steel cage in which children are imprisoned in order to limit the grabbery of toys, candy, sugar cereals and automatically dispensed coupons 2. (n) A mobile cage of steel used to curb my procurement of knee high goodies

SEE ALSO: SHOPPING

1. (n) A wheelchair used by those who cannot walk but only run, specifically in all directions at once

1. (n) Place where diapers have been known to swell up to sizes greater than a weather balloon 2. A fun, dangerous place, noted by its fun and the sheer terror it induces in some children, while also the conspicuous absence of fear in others

SWELLING DIAPERS

1. (n) God’s hallucinogen achieved by sprinting or twirling madly in circles. Side affects may include disorientation, nausea and falling down

1. (n) A promise 2. (n) A bad word 3. (pn) A promise so passionate it’s loaded with bad words.

1. (v) The placing or replacing of one’s butt in a chair, often used as a command and sometimes with an exclamation point and as many as three verbal underlines

1. (n) High flying airplane full of mirror-faced Michelin tire men and women

1. (n) Me, only me and I make you happy when skies are gray even though I’ll never know, dear, how much you love me; also, you’ll ask “please” to not take me away, which makes perfect sense, since us kids are pretty awesome.

1. (adj) A small person 2. (n) Yin-Yang shaped seafood served best with cocktail sauce or ranch dressing

1. (n) Apostrophe-less contraction meaning “wore it yesterday” and “it’s been worn” ARCAIC FORM: S’WORN

1. (n) Nature’s freely available whacky clubs used to multiply mischief while inflicting injury unto others

1. (n) Tasty food of unimaginable giblet, sometimes contained by a smother of gravy or found within the innards of a plush bear

SEE ALSO: BEAR