W

1. (n) A squinty weather condition best known for stealing hats, messing hair, and whipping orange and red leaves about the naturally littered landscape

1. (n) Pangs of emotional pain felt from the harsh removal of potent drugs like binkies, bottles, or blankets

1. (n) A compound term meaning “look at” or “please won’t ye take ye a gander over there” SYN: WOOKIT

1. (v) The handy expression of bye-bye when my mouth is paralyzed or otherwise engaged in the chompy grasping of ill-timed snacks 2. (n) A giant splashy thing encountered in the water that soaks my face, and honestly, what’s that all about?

1. (pn) Infant hose used to humorously water down the changers of the diaper

1. (n) Place where spiders hang out and publish mindless anecdotes about their children, cats and vacations in order to bore strangers. May also be used to download pictures of drunk cats

1. (n) Chapstick colored crayons

1. (adj) The moistened, shivery status following a bath, romp through the sprinkler, beach adventure or self-soaking by the tip of a bottle, drippy tippy cup, or handy splash within the indoor birdy bath 2. (adj) Extreme heaviness in diaper or Pull Up, usually unexplainably so

SEE ALSO: TOILET

1. (n) Any of an estimated hundred-thousand perfectly reasonable questions whose answer has no meaning and need not be waited for

1. (n) A question to which the answer is almost always “yes” or “no” with the rare exception of trick questions and those pertaining to vegetables

SEE ALSO: VEGETABLES

1. (n) Restaurant lady who brings balloons and crayons to kids instead of coffee refills and stuff ordered by the parents, as if mistaking who it is that leaves the tip; she is often distractingly pretty

SEE ALSO: WAITER

1. (n) Restaurant guy who brings us food and tries awkwardly and unsuccessfully to pretend he likes kids enough to earn a tip from the parents

SEE ALSO: WAITRESS

1. (n) Shout heard escaping upon introduction to a circus clown (Pronounced Waaaaa!) 2. (n) Vehement declaration of unhappiness, discomfort or desire, i.e., “What’s wrong, buddy?”
“Wah!”

SEE ALSO: CLOWN

1. (v) Yet another meaningless word used to express a degree of pre-trouble

SEE ALSO: ONE, TWO, THREE

1. (n) A bright red tote-mobile powered by a quarter horsepower grownup. Commonly used to drag kids around the block, to the corner store and other places more fun than here 2. (n) Horse drawn, dog drawn, or older kid drawn device used specifically to make kids happy as they live the cowboy dream

1. (n) One of very few forbidden nouns about the house. One which, if stolen, will surely cause the parents to freak out

1. (n) A lawn moistening device through which we run until soaked and shivering 2. (n) Juice, though mostly juice-ish 3. (n) Sprinkler on the lawn that lets us run around crazy in our shorts while squealing like the very children we are

1. (adj) Modest joy or elation caused my motion such as jumping, flying, turning, or accelerating 2. (adj) Small of stature

1. (n) A safe place to hang art with permission or compose artwork without permission, specifically with permanent markers

SEE ALSO: ART

1. (n) The not-quite-invisible force fields, impossible to crawl or climb through but great for kissing 2. (n) Emergency escape hatches for escaping fires and impossible parents

1. (n) Vocally expressed nails on ear chalkboards 2. (n) A trusted, though unreliable, technique used for persuading adults

1. (n) Parent’s home-release prison. Parents come home at night but always have to go right back

1. (n) Parental jewelry designed for yanking, pulling and vandalizing 2. (n) An instruction to check out something ostensibly interesting even though it never is

1. (n) An unexpected and unacceptable demand to forsake sleep for school 2. (n) Alert that the eggs and bacon are ready for consumption

1. (n) A flat, bland, tasteless courier of fatty butter and the sweetest sugar. Sometimes found with stowaway berries aboard 2. Belgians who cannot make up their minds SYN: EGGOS

SEE ALSO: SUGAR

1. (v) A defining transition in the evolution from infant to toddler when homo sapiens stand upright and change from quadroped to biped 2. (n) Green transportation